The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
JESUS CRUST.
JAM IT!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
LMFAO ^^
(Source: secretsbest)
… is one reason I dislike my mother.
(I’m sitting on the couch, just having woken up from a nap. My mom comes home.)
Mom: “Oh, you’re home?”
Me: “Yup.”
Mom: “So you were home all day and did NOTHING? Just sat there and did nothing?”
Me: (No answer)
Mom: “What’s WRONG with you?”
Me: “I’m tired.”
Mom: “Ya. Tired from doing nothing!”
(She walks away. 10 minutes later she sees my audition sides on the kitchen table. Attitude shift.)
Mom: “Oh. Do you have an audition?”
Me: “Yup.”
Mom: “Is something wrong?”
Me: (no answer)
Mom: (Second attitude shift) “AY. I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”
(She storms off.)
